


Summoned To Be A Main Character? No Thanks.

by NRMania



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Female Harry Potter, Harry Potter is So Done, I'm still hiding from fanfiction.net, Jaded Harry Potter, Kobo is my spirit animal and deserves (to take over) the world, Magic things are pulled out from a hat with no rhyme or reason, Multi, My names are on point, OP for the sake of fun, The poor divine underling is called Angie, They've already dealt with a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:28:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26103469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NRMania/pseuds/NRMania
Summary: A Jaded Harry Potter, whose 'happy ending' keeps getting ended by a new kidnapping, 'movie plot', 'anime knock-off' or 'filler story', has been summoned to fill in a spot of a generic 'fantasy harem' story... and not as the one who gets the harem, as you might expect (and which has probably happened to this one a couple times)...No, thanks to the luck of the draw, and a quite simple set of parameters to get them accepted, they have been put in the body of a 'Busty Bunny Witch' and have been put in the path that would get them 'recruited' by the 'Gallant Swordsman Hero'...Haha, no. Not for them, thanks. They just walked out of that forest clearing that would have swarmed with monsters, ending that path before it could even truly start... and they are ready to beat ass if anyone dare try and put them back on that path again.So... now that they have thoroughly pulled up the train tracks, sending the rail cars of 'story' everywhere, who knows what will happen?I don't. Shall we find out together?
Relationships: Harry Potter/A Good Blanket and Hot Chocolate, Harry Potter/Their Annoyance
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57





	1. Wake up, Meet your Destiny (No, I don’t think I will)

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a story I'm making up as I go along, clearing up a palette of unposted 'depression pieces' I seem to be making. I mean, sure, I enjoy those things... but I can never seem to find out at what point I want to post them.

  
Harry immediately knew something had happened when they heard the chirping of birds.

Because while they loved birds, and they thoroughly missed Hedwig… no sound of birds should be able to reach the point they slept within Grimmauld Place…

‘So unless that old elf has decided, of all times they could have, to prank me now… something is wrong.’

They opened their eyes and saw trees.

“Fuck.” their voice sounded  _ high... feminine _

They got up, noticed the ground was a lot closer than it normally would be and looked down.

They’re a teenage girl. Eighteen, maybe.

“ _ Fuck. _ ”

A short one… with thighs and tits and an  _ ass _ that was almost out of safe proportions for their current height, from what they could reason. Pale skin, long black and purple hair. Probably a little heigher than five feet, they reasoned.

They were wearing  _ cliche skimpy witch clothing _ . Purple and black, good colours, but the webbed design on the stockings and  _ stupid leather boots  _ and the  _ cape _ and tight corset thing… it was all horrible and left nothing to the imagination.

_ “What the actual fuck?!” _

They pinched themselves… the sting of pain was proof it was real… or at least a very good illusion. Boy they hoped this was an illusion this time.

This awakening was quite possibly the strangest thing that had happened to them in their thirty years of living.

Which was saying quite a bit for their ‘life of action’, because that was comparing it to;

Saving the ‘Wizard world’

Being kidnapped by a dragon and turned into a ‘princess’ (that dragon’s head was now on his wall, and the dress that he was in at that time was given to a very happy random child)

Saving the world  _ again _ , this time from zombies (which was luckily unable to spread far… just a single town, and those that got infected were turned back to normal)

Being turned into  _ cupid _ to take their place on valentines day. Why they, someone who had  _ divorced _ Ginny Weasley after she started spiking his food with potions, and was quite possibly never going to look for a relationship again was chosen for that was  _ beyond him _ .

A battle royale island. Yes, he won. Yes, he punted the wizard who had kidnapped and cloned the dead participants for ‘another round’ straight into the sea to be eaten by the ‘blockages’ said wizard set up.

And finally... three different ‘groundhog days’ which added at least ten more years to his life mentally. A lotta weird hobbies came from that time too.

Needless to say, this was in fact ‘saying something’ in his opinion…

And to be frank, he… she… whatever… was sick of it.

Harry Potter would not play whatever game whatever wizard or god or multiversal troll was playing.

That Including the three ‘slime’ creatures that jumped out the bushes.

“What, are you a test or something? Or am I supposed to act surprised? Ahh, no, please help...” Their sarcastic acting they gave made them snort just a little, but nothing else happened.

The slimes just bounced, one of them bounced ‘aggressively’ towards the ‘big busted teen’ wizard… only to be blown away from a burst of strangely coloured flame.

Harry just blinked dully, having been the one having to cast the purple fire from a black wooden branch, curled with a metal lantern placed within the crook-like curl. The lantern was lit with an ominous purple flame, coloured the same way as the spell they had cast.

‘A spell focus? Haven’t needed one of these in a while… looks alright though’ it didn’t really matter in his eyes, he had been forced and not been forced to use many spell foci... but the ‘staff’ was a little taller than them, even including the (in their opinion) height way too widely brimmed and floppy witch hat. On their head

“At least it comes with some new spells floating in my head… but sometimes it helps to fall back on the classics, just in case.” with a shift of movement, Harry cast another spell.

_ “Bombarda” _

The two remaining ‘slimes’ were splattered across the clearing Harry woke in.

“Huh… didn’t put much magic into that, but that was pretty strong… guess whatever brought me here wants me to help with something…” The changed wizard reasoned.

‘Now what do I do? Do I just wait and see if whatever brought me here and turned me into a pedo wet dream?’

_ Twitch _

They heard a voice in the distance, sounded like a gallant idiot looking for the ‘source of the explosion.’ from what they said in practically a scream.

How did they hear that?

_ Twitch twitch _

_ Poke. _

_ Ow. _

Oh… of course they had rabbit ears too, dangling out holes in their half floppy, half pointed hat.

Cumbersome and long… why did ‘style’ always have to outweigh ‘function’ when this happened? Harry swore if they had a little poofy tail too they would kill something… maybe some more slimes.

‘Fuck, I do.’ The little purple cottonball tail twitched behind them annoyingly, touching the short cape that was part of the outfit.

‘Fuck it, I’m out of here, I’m willing to bet I’m supposed to join that Gallant sounding fucker on a magical quest, and I’ve already had enough after the first time I was forced into a ‘Virtual Reality Game’.’

And so… Harry left growling and mumbling obscenities at the cold bite of the air, swearing they would find something better to wear as they thwacked random wolves and slimes that tried to pounce on her…

At least with those things defeated she had something to sell if she found civilization… hopefully the expansion charm she added to her sleeves (Sleeves that DIDN’T MATCH AND JUST DANGLED STUPIDLY, mind you) would last long enough to hold everything in.

Damn it, she was already changing her pronouns, she had gotten way too used to changing genders when kidnapped.

[*???*]

**“WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE WITCH IS GONE?”**

_ “S-she just up and left, great goddess. She seemed annoyed… and not at all surprised” _

**“WELL FIND HER AND PUT HER BACK ON THE PATH TO JOIN THE HERO THEN!”**

_ “I tried… but the monsters sent her way to stall her just kept getting defeated, and there isn’t anything stronger in the area to attack her…” _

**“WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS SOUL, YOU DID SUMMON A SPELLCASTING SOUL, YES? ONE WHO HAD CAPABILITIES, EVEN IF THEY DIDN’T KNOW IT?”**

_ “Y-yes, I did… I did everything correctly… it fit with our parameters... I thought they would be perfect! The soul fit into our Witch preset with no errors, in fact it was enhanced with it! The body awakened power that it would have done later already!” _

**“WELL IF THEY’RE SO GODDAMN PERFECT, GO DOWN THERE YOURSELF AND FIND OUT WHY THEY ARE BREAKING THE PROPHECY!”**

_ “Y-YEs miss…” _

**“AND DON’T COME BACK UNTIL YOU SOLVE THIS PROBLEM, IF YOU DO I SWEAR I’LL STICK A LIGHTNING BOLT WHERE THE SUN SHINES THE LEAST.”**

_ “EEK” _

[*With Harry*]

Luckily, civilization was actually quite close. A quaint little place a few miles away from the forest itself. A few ‘what are you wearing looks’ was the only strange reaction they got as they entered, so the fact they were a short rabbit witch with a lantern staff was somehow not that important.

After collecting some coin from a general store, who accepted a bulk- but not all, some they kept themselves- of wolf meat, pelts and sharp bits, she started taking a look at a few of the stalls and other shops in the town in hopes of getting a gauge on what world she had found herself in… without looking like an idiot and straight up asking.

(The general store merchant had actually tried to dupe her, but one look in his eye (and a bit of surface thought inspection, something they had started doing subconsciously at some point) she immediately set him onto the idea of ‘giving her a better deal’... his store remained a few notches above its natural temperature even after she left.)

The world seemed… fantasy… with a touch of steam machinery, from the look of the magic shop and ‘steam weaponry’ shop that existed. The magic shop was even selling books on learning new spells that even  _ children _ could learn if they had an aptitude. 

Probably not the safest of things, letting a child conjure fire, but it seemed lack of ‘mana stores’ within children made for a good balance.

Magic itself seemed to have made some unexpected luxuries of that age more available too, if the small ice cream stall manned by what appeared to be a cow-woman was another tell.

(That stall itself would be one Harry would return to more than once after she discovered her new body had an enhanced sweet tooth, much to his annoyance. He couldn’t resist a treacle tart or a bit of chocolate when he was ‘normal’, but the ‘anime-esque’ moan she gave after just a simple lick of strawberry ice cream was… maybe a bit too much for her liking. She would do her best to not do that from that point on.)

By the time Harry was done collecting ‘information’, the mid-day they had woken to had turned to sunset. But the night had also made way for drunken cheering signalled where the Inn was within the town, and Harry wasn’t one to turn down a drink and a bed, so it was that way they went.

Sadly, that idea also unveiled regrets…

It was an ‘adventurer is common business practice’ world.

It was an ‘almost every inn has an adventuring guild booth’ world.

And to top it off, half of the inn itself was cheering because of a voice she  _ remembered _ … because it was the one she heard in the forest.

‘Gallant Idiot’

Whisperings of those not listening to his ‘great stories’ indicated he was a swordsman who was quickly making it up the ‘guild ranks’ with ‘crazy skills’ and ‘powerful teammates’, those being seemingly being two very busty women who were enjoying their popularity with their arms wrapped around ‘Gallant Idiot’. Apparently one was a cleric of ‘the high church’ and the other was an ‘elven princess’ with good bow skills.

Apparently there was also a ‘stealthy brooding rogue’, but they were nowhere to be seen in the inn.

Suddenly… things made a lot of sense… and so they ordered the biggest glass of booze they could. It was some real nasty ale, one you would only buy to get drunk on, but it would do and it was cheap on the limited coinage they had at the moment.

‘I’ve not just been summoned here to be a savior part of a heroic party… I’ve been summoned here to be part of the harem  _ OF _ a savior who has a party.’ Harry thought as they took a deep gulp of the drink.

It all made sense now.

They were the ‘true magic caster’ to be added to a HAREM party. All around this boisterous swordsman.

_ THEY _ were  _ SUPPOSED _ to be found in the forest. Probably all scared after just waking up in the middle of nowhere, screaming for help as they were attacked… only to be saved by this ‘hero’ and fall ‘in love’ and follow him to give him ‘aid’ in whatever evil plot they discover and put a stop to.

Fuck that. She was not going to be fucking HIM. he hurt her ears, even if he was on the other side of the very large inn.

Plus, they had saved too many things or stopped too many evils… Why didn’t they deserve a break? Hell they might as well take it here, if they have been summoned here.

The world, apart from the ‘adventuring’ thing, seemed quite nice. Clean air, good feeling magic, interesting steam tech, good food (at least in one place)… okay drink (they supposed). Maybe she would help later, if they actually needed it, and something was properly on the line…

Harry finished the mug and asked for a room, heart dropping slightly as the kindly barkeep said that everything was filled, all except for, lucky her, the rooms next to the idiot and his titty-posse...

With an internal sigh she took it. Hopping up the stairs just hoping the world she had been complimenting wasn’t actually a ‘super ecchi’ one that the ‘hero’ was already ‘getting some’ in.

She thankfully went to sleep quickly, snoring loudly before she could find out that answer in her information filled day. It had taken another hour before the ‘Hero’ was too drunk to tell more stories and had to settle down for the night, so the sleep was also deep enough for her to not wake up if those things did take place.


	2. Achieve… your destiny? Maybe? (I said... No thank you.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A path is chosen, a path is ignored... a cave is cleared of almost everything inside it, all in the name of ruining somebody else's day.  
> AND Harry is revealed to be a sucker for lizards. Especially cute ones. Helps to understand the stupid things they might say.  
> Most cute things he is a sucker for, actually. Cute things have turned out to betray him the least in his journeys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the Kudos and things, friends! Another word pizza comin your way! Don't expect anything good though, it's delivery.

Chapter Two: Achieve… your destiny? Maybe? (I said... No thank you.)

It was official.

Harry was… super annoyed.

Sleep was supposed to be  _ comfortable. _

_ The only time she actually got respite from stupidity _

And now, thanks to her  _ ridiculous body proportions _ there was a dreadful ache.

‘I’ll have to find a way to make a potion to fix this. Or a spell… wait, isn’t there actually a spell for this?’ They blinked dully in a spark of realization. Yes, they did see a spell that helped with this, in the Black family library. It was literally one of the only books he had neglected to read. Even the darkest of the books in that place were drifting in his head somewhere... ‘Right… I just neglected to memorize the  _ female bed comfort spell _ because all the other times I’ve been pretty much flat as a board and haven’t needed it… I really should have expected this at some point, and actually memorized it. Maybe they have another spell for it around here, otherwise those two who follow that ‘Hero’ probably have a worser time than me.’

As she contemplated comfort spells she stretched, giving a huge yawn as they did so… and when they reached the cusp of a strange threshold within… they broke through it with a  _ pop _

‘Sweet… release.’ the sigh they gave out had a fragment of the bliss they felt as the back ache faded slightly, of course something had settled weirdly when they slept. Of course.

They would have just rode that train of release for a while… if not for the knock on the door.

The flecks of life in Harry’s eyes immediately faded again. Of course they would be bothered, they did ask to not be disturbed…

The conjured shirt they wore to bed dispelled, revealing the garish ‘outfit’ underneath it, only needing to be tightened back up in the ‘corset thing’.

‘Time to face the music… what time is it actually?’

Harry quickly cast  _ tempus _ , then started to unlock their door.

‘Six-thirty… i’m never actually going to get sleep till eight, am i…’

_ Click… _

_ Creeeeaaaaakkk _

The wizard turned ‘titty rabbit’ blinked at the person on the other side…

An angel.

A tomboy angel.

In a suit.

_ Creeeeeaak _

They closed the door.

_ “H-hey, you can’t just close the door!” _

“I can. Now leave me alone. I know why you’re here.”

_ “Y-you do?” _

“You’re here to get me to join those idiots I am next to in rooms, because it was what I was meant to do. A ‘destiny’ right?”

_ “H-how did you know that?”  _ reading minds, the angel’s thoughts were also going a mile a minute. Half of them worried about getting lightning shoved up their ass.

“Cliches. Now leave me alone or I’m opening this door and throwing you through it.” they probably wouldn’t have done that, they would have had to pay for the door if they did… but this little meddler didn’t need to know that, did they?

There was a flurry of movement going away from the door… soon enough Harry heard nothing again.

They let out a sigh, knowing very well it wouldn’t be the end.

‘Well, might as well get something done in the meantime.’ Harry left the room, growling as they felt the sudden weight of the hat they had chosen to abandon in that room upon their head.

‘Of course that has to be a constant… I can feel the returning enchantments now. They’re divine, it would take super long to try and even break one…’ they shook their head. Burning outfits could be contemplated later, breakfast time was Harry’s current intent.

[*Downstairs, ten minutes later*]

With a warm meal of meats and eggs (greasy but good) halfway finished and still being worked on, Harry wondered what to do next.

An entire world was out there… should they explore? Settle down near this town, maybe? It had been a while since they had gone ‘old hermit’ and built a house in a forest.

Or maybe they should do a ‘path of ruin’, where they complete important looking quests earlier than they should. They hadn’t actually done that when they weren’t at the front of a journey… it might be fun.

Especially if it was ruining the journey of an asshole.

Speaking of asshole... there he was. Acting as if he owned the place, requesting rather loudly the ‘hardest mission’ the board had… only to cry out in annoyance when the ‘hardest’ was too high for his current ‘adventure grade’... which came from a nearby worker apologising, saying that he was ‘only silver, and would need to take on some more missions to accept harder ones’

The “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!” the ‘Hero’ replied with was confirmation on what they were doing to do.

They were signing up… 

A few minutes later, and with a modest sign up price out of their slowly dwindling pocket, Harry Potter (the boy name got a brow raise but no other reactions) was officially a ‘Bronze’ adventurer... with a special looking coin as proof. It was easily differentiated from the coinage of the world to prevent errors, and if stolen it could be easily recalled to you for a miniscule fee at an ‘adventure guild area’ the coins would also apparently pick up ‘the interaction of souls’ to confirm when a task was done, and who had done it.

During their sign-up they also found that grades went Bronze > Silver > Gold > Platinum > Diamond > Divine.

‘So this journey that idiot is in has just gotten started then.’ Harry thought as they looked at the ‘bounty board’, which was split into segments listing who could accept them and the ‘estimated difficulty’

‘If it is sorted like this, why did that idiot have to whine like that? He hopefully knows how this works, and would know that he picks “quests” up from here… there was literally no need to say  _ anything like he did _ .’

“Look, this one is about that kobold cave we saw in that forest! That place looked easy to clear… and it’s reward is super high!” ‘elf princess’ spoke up, pointing out a bronze level ‘quest’...

“I-it says that something is going on in there though, shouldn’t we maybe do something a little easier?” ‘cleric’ murmured back

A cloaked figure Harry reasoned was the ‘Rogue’ people talked about last night let out a “Hrmph” noise, which sent the rabbit eared witch’s eyes rolling … great, a brooding type.

Easier was a word that sent ‘Gallant’ off on an ‘I can do anything, no matter how hard it is’ thought process it seemed though, because they immediately pulled off the ‘quest note’ (which was replaced by a duplicate shortly after) and got it stamped for acceptance.

Harry’s eyes glimmered… they knew where that ‘kobold cave’ was too… if it was the cave filled with little lizardfolk, that is. ‘Kobold’, they have discovered, could mean two different ‘types’ of being, furry or scaled. 

AND they could teleport.

Harry pulled a copy of the note too, and headed over to get it stamped themselves.

“Oh, you are accepting the same quest those four? You look quite capable, are you thinking of joining up with them? They are accepting members, according to the Swordman Lant...”

Harry replied with a curt “No”, and just took the accepted quest, leaving the Inn quickly afterwards, off to find a place out of sight to apparate to the forest.

(That place turned out to be a convenient crevice that was between the inn and the stable it’s mount-owning bar goers kept their steeds. The ‘Main Character Squad’ did seem to lack steeds, though, as Harry saw them walking regularly towards the forest before they hid away.)

[*???*]

The Kobolds were crafty little things. Lacking in strength and magic proficiency, they seemingly made up for it in numbers… and use of the ‘steam technology’, even if their stuff was mostly made of junk.

They were also, at least in majority, absolutely up to nothing good. This coming thanks to a surface mental reading Harry had given the first few. No proper details, but they were following the orders of some kind of ‘Master’ who was seeking world domination… so there was no weight on Harry’s heart to kill the things.

Which they were indeed doing, sweeping through entire swathes of dagger wielding and steam-hopping lizards with bursts of fire, ice and hearty staff whacks.

It was truly cathartic, and Harry’s sleeves were slowly filling with steam-tech scrap… it was metal, and that stuff sold.

(Plus, they were a little interested in the tech itself… they had only been kidnapped to a steampunk world once, and they were sent back home a week after that because it turns out they got the ‘wrong Harry’.)

Soon enough the tunnels came to their end, the twisting and splitting paths all seemingly leading to one VERY large set of scrap metal doors… and from what the Kobolds were screaming out in serpent tongue before either running or getting decimated…

It was the room their ‘boss’ was in. not the ‘master’, just one who ordered them for the ‘master’ themselves.

‘Well, time to make a good entrance then. Maybe some of the little gremlins won’t try fighting.’

The witch gave her staff a magic-infused spin, causing runes, foreign to even the world they were currently on, to blink into existence in the air.

_ “Air burst” _

The doors blew off its heavy hinges, each one flying off into the large room that (used) to be behind them, crashing into a swarm of kobolds before they could even think to dodge.

In the back of the room was a throne, hammered together out of pieces of bronze metal, seated upon it a slightly larger, light-red (as opposed to the varied blue the others had) scaled kobold, in what was seemingly a smith’s outfit, belted with leather strips around the limbs so they weren’t swimming in the things, along with a pair of black ‘aviator’ goggles were also atop their forehead… and from assumptions they could gather… the kobold was female.

“Hey, what’re ya doin?! Are… have ya been killin mah bois? One of em said someone was comin!” The thing hissed in a poorly worked english, or language of this world that sounded like english at least… and from those tones… yep… it was a girl. That was feminine fury right there.

‘They’re adorable.’ Harry was a sucker for lizards

“Yes.”

“Why? You an adventurer?”

“Yes.”

“I hate em, adventurers always be fighting my bois, squishin em. I hate it! I’m gettin’ revenge, and since you’re here… I’ll staht with you!”

There was a hiss of steam, followed by the chair the Kobold was sitting on to sink into the mass of scrap it was on…

Then the scrap started to move, shifting and hissing with pneumatic noises until it formed a sort of mini-mech-golem… thing, with large metal claws that glowed with heat.. The Kobold’s upper half was still visible inside it, leaving Harry able to see the grin she had on her grease covered face.

“Wat ya tink, ya stupid bunny? Is downrite majestic! Ya scared? Dis ting is resistant to fire and ice magic too! So the sparkles yous use is useless ‘gainst me!” The kobold pilot giggled maniacally as they made the huge clawed arms tighten and release.

‘That was… alright, I suppose. But I guess I have a quest to finish.’ Harry half-heartedly rose their staff, the lantern glowing and sparking heavily… two words fell from the wizard-turned-rabbit with no real care.

_ “Lightning Chain” _

The room was filled with light, followed by screams as the heat (and electricity) conductive metal worked seemingly against the kobold boss, half cooking them inside their ‘majestic’ piece of metal. Arcs continued to move out, hitting more than just the boss, utterly devastating the rest of the small draconic beings.

Overall it was very much… anticlimactic. The room was filled with the scent of cooked flesh and the sound of creaking metal… then a sudden crash as the Kobold machine fell to pieces, leaving the Kobold itself to tumble out.

A very fine char upon them, but very much alive.

‘Must be made of heartier stuff then’ The magic user thought to themself, walking over to the creature and tapping them with their foot, seeing if they had any proper life to them.

A few minutes passed...

Nothing. Unconscious.

‘Fair enough. I can fix this.’ a gentle tap of wood to floor.

_ “Chilling Waters”  _

“UWAH! COLD COLD COLD COLD.” That spell did it. Cleaned off the grease a little too. “Wat… happened.”

The Kobold blinked from their abruptly seated position.

“W-wait, yah beat it in won shot! That ain’t fukin fair! Yah cheatin bunny! I swear I’ll get back at yas!”

Harry said nothing, only tapping their staff again… lightning started to channel from the lantern again. The Kobold’s reptilian peepers grew wide.

“W-wait wait wait wait… Okey... okey… I giv… what, ya wanna turn me in aliv? See if yah ge a bonus? Okey… I surrendr… yah already got me bois… I can’ win…”

Harry really didn’t have any idea what to be honest… they were seeing what the creature would say. A bonus did sound tempting though.

“Buh… maybe I can work for ye! The big master wouldn’t bother with meh now, I got no bois left! I can make yeh some cool stuff! I follo orders real well! ahm great compahneh! I… make a great mushy stew!”

Something sparked in Harry’s mind… realisation.

‘... They do seem suspiciously attractive to just be a regular boss…’

Harry leaned down to look at the creature closer… in return said kobold flinched.

‘... harem member. It’s another one. Another recruit for the party. I could kill them… no, that would be too easy… and I can never seem to do it the easy way.’

“Fine.”

“W-wat? Fyn to wat? Y-yah turnin me in? Killin me? Don’ zap me pleas. It hur’ a lot…”

“You are my little minion now, and we are going to go on a wonderful journey together.”

“A-ah… P-pleasure to wor’ with ya, n-new boss lady…” they seemed very confused… they expected the arrest maybe, this was an adventurer. No adventurer would let a lil kobold boss like them live or stay around, would they?

“Call me Harry.”

“M-miss Harry Boss?”

Harry let a faint smirk go across her face.

‘It’s like a little lizard dobby with its own brand of crazy. Yeah, I can work with this… but am I breaking rules recruiting something I was meant to clear?’

(It turns out that they weren’t. It wasn’t unheard of to recruit creatures for a party, as those that could command beasts were within the world.)

Harry returned to the Inn, turning in the quest for a wonderful hunk of change and ‘rank points’, some of that money going towards signing the little kobold officially to the adventuring guild.

It was then that they actually learned the kobold’s name too.

Kobo… yeah

Apparently, for all the creativity the kobolds had… none of it went into names very well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't actually have a name for Kobo until right at the end, which was just the first to letters of 'Kobold' and 'Boss', but then I also realised that it's also just the first four letters of kobold and now I feel dumb.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this greasy fast food, your appreciation of my service is... appreciated...
> 
> Someone stop me from writing things here, I have nothing else to sa


	3. A-ahh… d-des- (No. Come with me.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first meeting...  
> Another fated enters the broken fold  
> I continue to fuck up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on these ones, fellas.  
> My only excuse is Risk of Rain 2, Destiny 2 and Modded Minecraft.  
> These are not good excuses.  
> Also, more than like half of this was done for like... a week?! AND THEN I DIDN'T TOUCH IT FOR A WHILE? WHAT THE FU-   
> I really sometimes just... hate myself and my writing methods.  
> Just enjoy this, I guess.

To be honest, it was absolutely hilarious for Harry to see as ‘Swordsman Lant’ entered the Inn at almost the end of the day to tell the guild of ‘news’

That he failed the quest, because the cave was already cleared… by something ‘super dangerous.’

“You need to put up a quest on the board to hunt this thing, who knows what it could do!”

It was quite the compliment, but the laughter came from when the desk told him that there was nothing to worry about, and that it was just that someone beat him to the quest.

The ‘impossible’ was sweeter than any treacle tart…

But hilarity wouldn’t last, because the desk worker decided to mention that ‘the adventurer’ (IE, THEM) was ‘just over there’... while pointing at them.

And instantly… The ‘hero’ had a glint in his eyes.

Harry instantly ordered another drink, prepared to either throw it or chug it to desensitise from what was about to happen.

“Hey, I heard you cleared out that Kobold Cave… must have been hard to do it by yourself.” ‘Gallant Asshole’ said ‘charmingly’ as he slid onto a bar stool.

“Nope.” the reply was so dull that ‘Gallant’ couldn’t help but blink in surprise.

“Well you must be strong, then.” He ‘complimented’, quick to recover.

“Yup.” Ah, finally there it was. The drink they desired. Down the hatch…

_ COUGH _

Okay, bit too much at once.

“You know, I bet you would be a lot stronger if you joined a party with someone.”

‘So that’s how it is? Well... counter.’ Harry gave a wistful looking smile.

“Hmm… true…” The look in the man’s eyes was one of ‘I scored another babe’... only to go to one of shock as Harry called out for Kobo, who came from a nearby table where they were barely reaching their own large mug of ale. At the call they yelped, spilling a little from their drink before they got a grasp of it and waddled over.

“Ah… Ye B-boss?”

“We are party members, right?”

“Yeh… w-whatever you want, boss.”

“Good.”

Lant, ‘Master Swordsman’, spluttered.

“You left one of them alive… and recruited them?” He saw the glint of a ‘bronze’ coin, one which was on a string tied around the Kobold’s neck “You got them in the adventuring guild?”

“Yup. You have a good idea, but I seemingly had it first…” Ale went from half-full to empty “So thanks for the offer, but I’ll have to decline. Have a… good evening.”

With a snap of their fingers, Kobo let out a squeak, chugged their own remaining and started to follow the witch with a slightly teetering stagger.

“I… uhhh, didn’t want to join us for real anyways! You’re a newbie! I was just being nice.”

Yeah, totally.

‘Horny bastard’

Harry remained silent, even if their thoughts didn’t... but the grin that was on their face as they climbed the stairs to their room physically  _ hurt  _ with how wide it was.

A smile that would lead to pleasant dreams along with Kobo as they snored away in the room now subsequently shared between them.

[*???*]

_ In an alleyway, a familiar looking suited angel shakily throws out a letter into the sky, watching as it ignites with yellow fire. _

_ A few minutes later… the angel is struck by a bolt of lightning, the electrical charge charring half of their feathers black. _

_ They comically coughed out a plume of smoke. _

_ The message was clear. _

_ Get the witch to join the hero’s party, or the next bolt is coming not from the sky, but from the ground. _

[*???*]

Harry woke from a comforting yet uncomfortable sleep to the gentle poking of Kobo.

“B-boss… a gal in a strange outfit an’ wit wings is at the door… Lookin at em burns me eyes and I tink they wana tal’ to yas…”

The witch’s eyes opened completely.

‘Them… again? Usually it takes a couple weeks for a minion to try again. They must be desperate”

Desperate meant they could probably get them on their side, if they helped them...

‘It has been a long time since I’ve changed someone who is ‘against’ me to my side this quickly…’

Harry opened the door, looking at the now slightly blackened angel who was on the other side. The angel squeaked at the speed they had opened the door, even if it wasn’t that fast.

“What.”

“P-please join the hero? I know y-you’ve already sort of broke the chance of that, but I’m sure if you apologised they would let you join him… The world might be at stake if you don’t...”

“And why would I care? You, or some kind of divine force you work with, brought me to this world… and to be honest I’ve been sick of getting spiritually kidnapped.”

“W-wait… this has happened before to you?”

“Yes, how about you come inside… I have to explain this to Kobo anyway.” Telling the truth early was always simpler than revealing it in the ‘endgame’, Harry had quickly realised in their ‘great adventures’. 

‘Maybe I can shock you with my tragic backstory to get you to at least leave me alone.’

Before the angel could reply they were pulled into the room, tossed onto one of the beds… and shortly later, Harry started telling her story.

Not all of it, but enough to leave even veterans of questing in shock… which neither of those hearing it were, so they actually fainted at ‘the second time I was the leader of a party which was also meant to be my Harem.’

Needless to say, it took a few hours for Harry to stop… and by that time Kobo fully understood why they were so easily decimated, even if their suit was meant to be ‘magic resistant’.

The angel however? They were… well it was revealed they were quite the crybaby.

“I’M SORRRYYY, I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WENT THROUGH SO MUCH… I THOUGHT I SET THE SYSTEM’S PARAMETERS TO FIND SOMEONE WHO WOULD FIT THE EASIEST INTO THEIR ROLE!” Kobo, panicking like hell from the wailing divine being, tried their best to console them… not very well, but they tried.

“To be fair, I probably was at some time. That and I also glitch out divine systems like that due to data overflow.”

“I ENTIRELY UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’D LEAVE AND BREAK THE PROPHECY TOO…” A large ‘UWAAAHHH’, Harry was glad they magically prevented sounds from exiting the room with a spell. “B-BU-BUT IF I DON’T GET YOU TO FOLLOW IT FROM NOW I’LL… I’LL… I DON’T WANT A LIGHTNING BOLT SHOVED UP MY ASS! AND NOW THAT YOU SAY IT, HE IS AN ASSHOLE! I DON’T WANT TO JOIN THAT GUY… THE GODDESS SAID I WAS SUPPOSED TO WHEN HE BECAME A GOLD RANK! I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE MY SUIT TO A TOGA, I HATE TOGAS! AND THIS SUIT ACCENTUATES MY FEATURES WELL!”

Harry sweat-dropped at the ‘lightning’ and clothes bit.... But soon realised they could work with this.

“You know, I do know a spell to hide divines from their own kind… it might stop that from happening” You’d be surprised how many gods and angels wanted to hide themselves or fake their death… actually, you probably wouldn’t.

“You… you’d do that for me?” Hook.

“Sure, but you’d have to do something for me.” Line.

“A-anything!” Sinker.

An hour later ‘Angie’ had joined Harry’s party, a bronze guild coin in their pocket and an enchantment to hide their divinity, which also hid their wings as well. They didn’t mind that bit, mainly because they didn’t use them that much.

(The Goddess would discover after weeks of silence that they couldn’t detect them anymore, causing a chain of events which would lead to at least 3 other angels feeling the pain Angie was threatened with. Don’t feel bad, all three of them deserved it karmically, for they had suggested how to ‘save the world’ and made the prophecy delivered to seers when the current evil was making itself known.)

With a party of three formed, the decision of doing another quest was made after breakfast. Angie, someone who had kept up with ‘key events’ that had meant to take place, mentioned that no ‘important quests’ would be pinned for at least a couple days, so they had time to do other quest to get their rank up.

Sadly, the next ‘important quest’ was apparently one to be marked as ‘silver’, so their time was also a time limit… not to worry, most of the quest were just ‘hunting’ and ‘collecting’ missions, all of which taking place in the forest and the fields around the town, so a bulk could be picked up, completed and turned in all at once.

Soon enough, after the purchasing of ‘tools’ for Harry (because while their magic did pretty much allow for anything thanks to their vast knowledge collected over the years, they did always enjoy doing things by hand) and the purchase of a spear and shield for Angie (apparently a divine go-to and one they knew how to use well themselves) they made their way to an alleyway… one they left via a resounding crack and swirling of reality, unseen by all but those that participated. 

The group of three found themselves in the forest, Kobold and Angel feeling rather dizzy and half keeling over from Harry’s homeland motive of transportation. Kobo was only fairing slightly better than the other because they had done it before.

Harry left them only a few minutes to gain their wits… they did have work to do, after all, and wasting time was needless.

The party became a flurry of completion. Kobo knew the forest well, living under and hunting within it for a larger part of their life, so knew where each monster, animal and plant would be found easier in an area. Slimes were slain and bottled, wolves were cut away and skinned, roots fruits and berries were foraged and packed away in baskets, then stored away within undetectably-expanded sleeves.

Within a few hours every quest and any optional bonus ‘objectives’ they may have had were done. Some even more than once… with that progress, the witch leader of the party decided they all deserved a lunch break.

It was a simple meal, just some cooked hunted meat and some veggies, it cut such a small amount from the ‘quest items’ that Harry didn’t care when they made it... much to their surprise, their two party members were practically salivating from it.

(what they didn’t know was that their ‘simple meals’ were akin to a divine chef’s, simply from how much they had cooked in their previous journeys. Part of their magic always infused into the food, assisting in enhancing flavours already within the food and helping with digestion when eaten. With how much it was though they didn’t notice, as it was a mere drop in a mana ocean.)

While eating the witch decided to seek more information on the so-called ‘prophecy’.

“Angie, why was that Gallant asshole chosen to be the hero of this ‘quest’ from the gods anyway… are they another soul brought here?” Iseka-ing always brought the stupidest idiots into the fold, it would make sense that they were from another world like they were.

“Hmm? No… actually, that was entirely random… the higher ups just said ‘find someone young boy who was dreaming of heroics and give them the sword that increases their power and will make them ready to fight when the time comes’... I believe he was just a regular farm boy… nothing all that special about him. I mentioned that they could probably be more specific and I could find a better pick… but they didn’t seem to care.” They took a bite from the portion of meat they were given, squealing slightly as they tasted it.

Harry snorted. Of course they were just as strange with the pickings as they were with her. All that power and sudden destiny must have gotten to their ‘heroic’ head. It would feel great finally bringing him AND the divines that summoned her down to size.   
  


Nothing really AGAINST the farm boy’s life before his own journey, farming was a perfectly good lifestyle. They’d farmed a few times themselves… along with making soap. For some reason things always came to soap when someone was brought to a new world with ‘primitive’ knowledge… but they chose to act like they did, so they were going to get bullied.

The group finished their meals, conjured plates vanishing to nothingness once more as they returned to the grind…

The grind lasted for another hour… before Harry stopped.

A trace of magic.

Almost undetectable, MEANT to be undetectable.

An illusion spell.

Something was meant to be unseen, but the fact it was made ‘unseen’ made it seen to attuned senses.

Too many places had been a magical illusion so many times that they had learned to detect ‘fakeness’... a good skill for someone like themselves, a puppet to fate and the whims of divine idiots of other worlds and their own.

The rabbit woman followed the magic trace, shushing their party members as they trailed her with confusion…

The trace led to a large tree in a grotto, not far from where they woke up in the grand scheme of a forest the size they were in. 

There it was… in the roots.

Harry dispelled the thing, unveiling the old looking stone staircase leading downwards into.

Angie realised what it was.

“Oh, t-thats an old war dungeon… we were repurposing it and a few other places to be a final trial for some optional powerful equipment and a boost of reputation when the guild coins logged them completed because a god has ties to them… it’s funny… you and someone else were going to be able to learn how to see and break the illusions hiding these at some point when it would be needed… but I guess you already know how.” the hidden angel gave a wary laugh.

That was a DIVINE ILLUSION. Only those taught by the divines should even be able to DETECT THEM, let alone BREAK THEM, in their world.

Not even THEY could break a divine illusion. And they were quite strong when not purposefully keeping their power blocked from higher ups threatening to ass-lightning them.

_ JUST HOW POWERFUL WAS THIS PERSON THEY SUMMONED? _

“H-hey boss… what ya doin? I’m gettin a real bad feelin from in there… I can’ fite what’s down there… c-can I hol’ bak here?” Kobo chattered… they were right, the dungeon was EXUDING a powerful aura, one that even Angie wouldn’t touch with a five foot pole… damn, they must have put something REALLY strong down there.

And yet Harry crept closer.

“So there are more of these places? Know where they are?” They looked back at the angel.

“N-no, sorry… the divine architects who were sent to work on these places didn’t share them with me… I was meant to be part of the party that was meant to find them… so they kept it quiet from me.” The ‘divine architects’ also didn’t like her when she spilled cold-brew onto their designs that one time as well, so even then they wouldn’t have told her even if she begged… but Harry didn’t need to know that.

(She still did though, but Angie didn’t need to know THAT)

“Okay. You stay back and keep with the grind… I’ll find you once I’m done.”

“O-okay boss… good luck!”

Harry hopped down the stairs tiredly, plunging into the darkness within… a cheeky half-smile on their face as they thought of the divine plans and prophecies they were absolutely destroying.

This… this was one of the only things that truly made them find enjoyment in the hell that was their existence now.

Well… that and a good nap or snack. 

The simple pleasures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This virtual meal is so goddamn greasy... like Dominoes.  
> I'm not sponsored by them... but they do have a new vegan option, so I need to try that. I've missed Dominoes since I've gone vegan.  
> Ah... right...  
> Comment on if you enjoy this... or if you don't. the dislike will probably be ignored though. I'd prefer if you'd keep quiet on that front instead, because I KNOW this story is poorly written, has no plan for its future and is a stream of dumb ideas I'm getting... like character names for instance. I made up Angie on the spot. And it is dumb... for my brain at least. Angie is a good name, got nothing against the name Angie.  
> SHOUT-OUT TO ALL MY ANGIES OUT THERE.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I wanna make this 'world' ecchi yet (and by that I mean like... lewd magic). It would be funny to just keep getting scenes shut down before they start, or just ignored... we'll see where my blood flows... up or down?
> 
> Give me some ideas, if you want. This bad boy can probably fit in almost anything. Hell, give me previous things that have meant this Harry has every right to be as jaded as they are.


End file.
